When Goldman Sachs C.E.O. Lloyd Blankfein officially passes the baton to his successor, David Solomon, next month, he’s got big plans for how he plans to spend his retirement. Namely, he’s suggested that, free from the shackles of his corporate overlords, he’s going to start trolling the shit out of Donald Trump. We’re talking snarky re-tweets, getting all up in Donny Jr.’s mentions—the works. To do so, he’ll obviously need an office, and like any investment bank worth its salt, Goldman is providing Blankfein—who will serve as an “adviser” to the company—with luxe, spacious accommodations approximately three times the size of most New Yorkers’ apartments. And the twentysomething worker bees at the firm are pissed.

According to Fox Business’s Charlie Gasparino, Goldman’s decision to construct a new office for the soon-to-be former C.E.O. with a “coveted view of the Hudson River,” rather than off-load in some rubber room on the fourth floor looking out at the Conrad Hotel, has “touched off a quiet, populist revolt” among analysts and associates, who pull down six figures just out of college and view themselves as the “have-nots” of the firm. To them, the space is a slap in the face, and a symbol of their struggle:

The controversy over Blankfein’s post-C.E.O. arrangement is emblematic of the growing disparities inside the firm where a program of severe cost cutting has focused almost exclusively on the backs of the average Goldman worker . . . They point to the firm’s rarefied class of partners and managing directors—the upper echelon of the bank, which accounts for less than 8 percent of the firm’s 37,000-member workforce—who maintain both their lofty salaries and perks, these people tell Fox Business.

While people like Blankfein are practically rolling in cash, analysts and associates—who might as well be bricklayers, were it not for all the money they’re making—are forced to endure conditions that human-rights watchdogs would undoubtedly describe as inhumane and beyond comprehension.

Employees who work past 8 P.M. at Goldman’s West Street Manhattan headquarters say the bank will technically pay for their dinner, but only if the meal doesn’t exceed $25—less than half the average cost of a meal in New York City, according to Zagat.

Work space at Goldman is a particularly touchy issue among average employees, which has heightened the internal debate over the company’s spending plans for Blankfein’s new office. Most employees at Goldman work with very little privacy, herded together in what’s described as an “open-office floor plan,” comprised of dozens of desks and no separation between people, according to firsthand accounts.

Goldman’s cost cutting also forces most employees to spring for their own computers and iPhones, even though analysts and associates are expected to be monitoring emails 24/7.

Although a spokesperson for the bank insisted that that Blankfein’s office will cost no more than $100,000, and that rumors of unrest among the peasants are highly overblown, sources familiar with the matter tell Gasparino the real figure “could exceed $500,000.” And while, thus far, there have been no reports of a group of associates spray-painting the words “CAPITALIST SCUM” across the walls of senior executives’ offices, it may only be a matter of time before the uprising.

What is clear is that the office drama has stoked a degree of outrage among the masses inside the parochial investment bank.

“This is one reason why no one smiles at work,” said one Goldman employee.

We don’t want to be dramatic, but historians tell us that those exact words were heard just before the storming of the Bastille. Lloyd, if you see an angry horde of zip-up fleeces rounding the corner, call security.

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Trump’s trade war continues to thrill U.S. business owners

According to an industry survey by the Business Roundtable released Monday, almost two-thirds of C.E.O.s said the president’s recent tariffs and expected future trade tensions will cause them to put capital investments on ice. In addition, plans for hiring have slowed, and just 2 percent of chief executives expect a “positive effect” from Trump’s trade policies. Meanwhile:

Economists expect [the latest round] to translate into higher prices for consumers across the country and special pain for low- to middle-income voters who make up much of Trump’s base—and are least able to absorb increased costs for consumer goods such as air conditioners, clothing and furniture. Republicans are counting on getting Trump supporters to the polls in November to hold off projected Democratic gains in the House and potentially the Senate. Forcing consumers to pay higher prices could make that harder.

“If you are kind of in the middle- or lower-income groups, you are buying a lot of what economists call tradable goods and you’ll be hit a lot harder,” Kyle Handley, assistant professor of business economics and public policy at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business, told Politico. “This is basically the Trump voter who is going to see the biggest hit to their total spending.”

The White House is going to divert millions from cancer and HIV/AIDs research to fund kiddie prisons

From the people who brought you “divulging classified intelligence to Russian operatives in the Oval Office,” comes another brilliant idea:

The Trump administration is planning to shift more than $260 million to cover the rising cost and strain of housing thousands of undocumented immigrant children in their custody—including millions of dollars from programs like cancer research and HIV/AIDS prevention.

The request comes as the program has been strained by record-high levels of children in custody, driven in large part by new policies that are holding kids longer and making it more difficult for them to be released to adults, such as family members.

It also comes amid news that the Department of Health and Human Services once again could not locate 1,500 children it had released over a three-month period. . . . The documents show a plan to take money from a variety of places, including $16.7 million from the child benefits program Head Start, $3.8 million from HIV programs as part of a bigger $16.7 million from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, $9.8 million from Medicare and Medicaid program operations, $2.2 million from maternal and child health programs, $5.8 million from the Ryan White HIV/AIDS program, $13.3 million from the National Cancer Institute and $87.3 million overall from the National Institutes of Health.

In a statement, H.H.S. Deputy Secretary Eric Hargan told CNN that the “need for additional funds has grown . . . due to the continual increase of unaccompanied alien children at the border,” not mentioning the administration‘s fondness for holding minors in detention facilities.

Elsewhere!

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Jamie Dimon Says It Will Take 25 Years for Bailouts to Be Forgiven (Bloomberg)

Deutsche Bank ordered to act on money laundering (Financial Times)

App-Only Banks Rise in Europe and Aim at Traditional Lenders (N.Y.T.)

Walmart Requires Lettuce, Spinach Suppliers to Join Blockchain (W.S.J.)

Gold Giant Barrick Agrees to Buy Rival Randgold for $6 Billion (W.S.J.)

Navarro says Trump’s trade strategy may create market volatility, but will be bullish long term (CNBC)

Reckless raccoon jumps from ninth story of building (UPI)